Oh dear… that wasn’t the plan…
Well!!! What the %*#@ happened on September 7?! A bloody wipeout of tsunamic proportions… Time for a bit of navel gazing methinks… so… let’s see…
…Bit of fluff… bit of crust… and underneath that… ah ha! Now I can see where the blame should fall! Gillard. Swan. Garrett… Murdoch! Yep, Murdoch… and Fairfax. And Gillard. Alan Jones… Tony Jones… Shirley Jones. Gillard. The people of Queensland. Idiots. And every other state. Idiots. Gillard. Abbott. Costello. The Marx Brothers. Both Karl and Groucho. And Gillard. With her at the helm things had to go pear-shaped. Sod them all, they don’t deserve me so I am now officially out of politics. It was a teary farewell and I can still hear the applause ringing in my ears…
Yep. You live and you learn. For example, I just learnt that navel fluff tastes NOTHING like earwax. Or chicken for that matter.
So. What now??? I know I’m clever. I know I’m wanted. I know I’m needed. I know I’m loved. I know! I shall offer my services to the corporate sector!!! That’s it! I’m Kevin and I’m here to help!
Yes – let me come along to your corporate event, workshop or Christmas party and I will tell you in no uncertain terms how I can fix your business. Trust me. I know how to make things happen. How to make things work. How to think outside the circle. Fair dinkum folks, such is my vision, I could change the washer on a tap in Leeton and solve the Murray Darling problem!
All I need from you is an overview of your business, your mission statement, profiles on your key staff and I can come along and, using a Powerpoint and website presentation, illustrate how I can do for your company what I did for the Australian Labor Party!
What’s that I hear you ask? What did I do for the Labor Party? I streamlined it, dammit – I stripped it back to the bare essentials – that beast is no more a rambling behemoth – it is now a slick, well-oiled minor party to be reckoned with. Brilliant! Let me do the same for you. If you manufacture and sell, for example, tractors, there is no reason why you shouldn’t diversify and produce fairy floss. Logical diversity, common sense and simple shoulder to the grindstone application.
As for your staff – there’s nothing wrong with a little promotion, demotion and commotion! I mean, if you have a lass at the front desk who spends her non-phone answering time reading Cosmo, doing her nails and yawning – promote her for God’s sake – she is obviously bright and bored – no doubt gifted and talented – you need that person in the boardroom – and at the pointy end of the table!
We can work together on this and over the course of an evening take your adequately successful company to a totally different place!
For now I’ll zip it and I look forward to hearing from you!